We are accustomed to a stable world. When I say stable, I mean a world whose operations are familiar and predictable, including its challenges. In other words, we adapt to a world with certain rules—not all of them easy, but they are known and expected. When events happen around us, we are less likely to be alarmed.
Then suddenly, an enormous change entered our lives. Everything changed. Travel was restricted, leaving home was only permitted for essential purposes, masks became mandatory, swimming pools and gyms closed, schools shut down, and businesses ceased operations.
One could say the world turned upside down. "Unbelievable" and "surreal" are words we used to describe what was happening. No wonder we were all in shock.
But a year has passed, and the initial shock has subsided as this unusual situation becomes familiar. What we can do is adapt, turn our perspective upside down along with the world, and look for the positive aspects, seeking out opportunities that were scarcely available in our previous, familiar world.
One such opportunity is virtual meetings, and specifically, psychological therapy via Zoom, Skype, or Google Meet—many options are developing in our new reality (Wind et al., 2020).
Ariella reached out to me for therapy. She lives in France and was delighted to be able to meet via Skype. She wasn’t keen on seeing a therapist in France, especially given her fear of COVID-19 and her belief that the French weren’t cautious enough. But even before the pandemic, she had visited psychologists in France and found that their predominantly psychoanalytic approach, often influenced by Lacan, didn’t suit her. "Do you know Lacan?" she asked me. "Yes, I know both Lacan and the French approach," I replied. "You’ve come to the right place." She was relieved to learn that I understood her concerns and the cultural nuances.
"These approaches are too heavy for me," she said. Although she speaks French well, it doesn’t flow naturally, and that doesn’t help either. "I dream in Hebrew," she laughed. "I really wanted to see an Israeli psychologist, but until now, that was impossible. I’m so glad you offer therapy this way."
I was glad she reached out. Flexibility is key to all of our lives. As you grow older and reflect on your experiences, you realize that the quality that helps most in navigating life’s challenges is flexibility.
In my youth, I lived for several months in the south of France, on a mountaintop so high that raising a hand felt like touching the sky. The only sounds were birds, the ringing of goat bells, and occasionally, the hum of woodcutting machines. Cars never reached that place. There was no electricity, no running water.
"How can you live without electricity and running water?" you might ask. It wasn’t easy, but instead of electric lights, the stars shone brightly. Instead of faucets, we drank fresh, cold water from a stream. Instead of television, we had long conversations into the night. In that quiet, my mind could rest and reset from the noise of life. It was after a war.
Whenever I face a difficulty in life, I imagine myself back on that mountaintop. If I managed to live without electricity and running water, I can probably live without other things too. Almost everything is a matter of habit. The more we accumulate, the more tools and means we gain to accomplish things—but at the same time, this can also weaken us. We may not know how to cope when the things we’ve become accustomed to are taken away.
That’s why flexibility is so crucial in life. Flexibility enables us to function even in times of change when what we relied upon is suddenly gone (Norcross & Wampold, 2018). It is essential to always look for new ways to adapt when old methods no longer serve us.
This applies to psychological therapy as well. If you wanted to start therapy, you probably imagined sitting in the same room as your therapist. "How can it work otherwise?" you might think. Well, it can. Yes, human connection is important—we are social beings. But if meeting in person isn’t possible, we can be grateful for the wonderful technology that allows us to meet without physically being together (Suler, 2016).
In a virtual session, you engage with the person in front of you. You see them clearly. You can focus without distractions. This technology replaces in-person meetings and allows us to connect deeply even when physically apart.
Virtual meetings also overcome geographical barriers (Stoll et al., 2020). If you live far away, lack transportation, have a busy schedule, or face mobility limitations, virtual therapy ensures you can still meet your therapist from anywhere.
Additionally, the sessions themselves are time-efficient. There’s no need for travel time before and after the meeting. Scheduling becomes more flexible—sessions can take place in the evenings after the children are asleep, or at other convenient times. Therapists can also accommodate sessions outside of conventional working hours.
Of course, in-person meetings are valuable, and face-to-face interaction is meaningful. But if, for any reason—not just COVID-19—it’s not possible, then we meet on Zoom. It is beneficial, productive, and helps you move forward. The very act of adapting to this new form of therapy is itself a practice in flexibility and growth.
So don’t say, "It’s not possible." Make it possible!
Bibliography
Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2018). Evidence-Based Therapy Relationships: Research Conclusions and Clinical Practices. Oxford University Press.
Suler, J. (2016). Psychology of the Digital Age: Humans Become Electric. Cambridge University Press.
Stoll, J., Müller, J., & Trachsel, M. (2020). Ethical issues in online psychotherapy: A narrative review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, 116.
Wind, T. R., Rijkeboer, M., Andersson, G., & Riper, H. (2020). The COVID-19 pandemic: The ‘black swan’ for mental health care and a turning point for e-health. Internet Interventions, 20, 100317.
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